I read this article a few days ago doing my usual morning net surf. Started this post then, but wasn’t sure where to go with it.
Then yesterday, I had this little moment with Jude. Jude is my youngest child and will turn five in a week. Five. When he was born, in my mind I saw him as a middle child of five kids. I figured I would have at least two more babies before I turned 40 and then Mac and I would have to work hard at natural family planning in order to enjoy those retirement years in peace. Haha, right?
Jude became the youngest of four when we brought Tristan into our lives. Then last summer, after 4 years, we found out we were pregnant again. I was thrilled. A little worried as well, because we have come to rely on my salary more than we should and taking time off for a baby would be hard, but we had 8 months to save money and be ready. Only five weeks into the pregnancy, however, I miscarried.
Walking to work yesterday, I thought about my youngest son who has gotten so big. And then my thoughts turned to the baby that we lost. He would be a few weeks old now. I was profoundly sad at never getting to know him and at the idea that my body may be done having babies.
Then I thought about the article. About how that little baby is still with me. In my MARROW. The idea takes the phrase “flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone” to a whole new level. Each baby that I have is with me still. The thought made me wonder at the world we live in – how little we understand it – how amazing our bodies and our connections to each other are.