On wanting a baby….

Saturday night I went to a pig-pickin’ engagement party for a cousin of mine who is getting married in March.  It was raining that night, so instead of a comfortable time on the deck and in the yard of my aunt and uncle’s home, looking out over the lake, basking in the glow of tiki-torches, the party was moved inside.  My aunt and uncle have a beautiful home, one I have many wonderful memories of growing up and they have plenty of space – but 50 people is a lot and it’s a good thing we all love each other, which we do.

My older two boys and my hubby were off on a scout trip, so I only had tolook after one little munchkin, but he can be a handful (or two) because of his boundless energy that now had free reign in a new house.  But, again, there were plenty of people there who love him and me, and he was watched over fairly well.  I was struck by how BIG he is.  Even though he isn’t yet three, I have had to pull out the size 4T clothes from the attic because he’s too big for even the 3T clothes anymore.  His feet have always been big, and continue to grow long and skinny, just like his dad’s.

Another of my cousins has four small children.  They are terribly cute kids, each with his or her own personality and all four years of age and under.  The youngest is just three months old and still very much a newborn, needing mostly sleep and breast-milk to be content and he has a mother with three other little ones so she doesn’t mind at all passing him off to be loved and content in another pair of arms.  So I got a hold of him right off the bat, and enjoyed the feeling of having a tiny person in my arms who would just hang out there.  None of my boys have ever been all that interested in just hanging out in my arms, snuggling in and holding on.  They are much more likely to try to use my arms as a jumping off point to a high shelf or other dangerous piece of furniture, or just to simply fling themselves at me.

Now I had in my arms a squishy little baby boy, who sank comfortably into the crook of my elbow as my body immediately began the mommy-sway that somehow works like a switch (baby in arms – on, baby not in arms-off) and within five minutes, even in the midst of this very loud and crowded party, he had fallen asleep. It’s no great shock to anyone that knows me that I am ready for another baby, and there’s my cousin-in-law, a fabulous, brave and sweet woman who obviously is open to life and has had to be. And here I am, wanting that which I cannot, even in this age of over-night shipping, get despite our best efforts for the past 12 months (give or take).

There’s a lesson in all of this I am sure, but right this minute, I don’t want to hear it.  I just want a baby.

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